Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Oh Noes! Panicked Buchanan Begs McSame to Visit Former GOP-Stronghold of Sarasota

John McCain is having to come to Sarasota -- an area he should be winning handily -- at the behest of soon-to-be defeated Congressman and thug Vern Buchanan.

Said soon-to-be re-elected state representative Keith Fitzgerald: "When McCain is having to spend time shoring up Sarasota, they have a problem on their hands and they know it."


Here's the analysis of failed Sarasota Republican chairman Eric Robinson. Watch for him to be posting his resume around town very, very soon. Maybe he and Vern can go into some sort of corrupt business together that will eventually fail.
Robinson discounted the chances that Sarasota County could fall to Obama. Instead, Robinson said that McCain was coming to Sarasota because the county posted record voter turnout in 2004 and has historically been a Republican stronghold. That year 82 percent of registered voters turned out, 54 percent of them for Bush.

"It's not that we're in play, it's that they need us to balance out the east coast of Florida," Robinson said.

Hey, you can either take the word of the guy that won an election in Sarasota -- and part of Manatee -- in 2006, or you can believe that they need to "balance out" the rest of the state. Yes, that old famous political tactic, "balancing out."

According to Real Clear Politics, Obama is up +2.

FiveThirtyEight has Florida looking mighty blue.

Sure, Eric. Just going for "balance." Whatever you say.

Boy, can you imagine that panicky phone call from thug Vern to McCain?

SOME CHIPPER McCAIN CAMPAIGN WORKER: Good morning, McCain Campaign! Country First!

THUG VERN: Yeah, give me John McCain.

SCMCW: Who may I say is calling?

V: It's Congressman Vern Buchanan. It's urgent.

SCMCW: And may I tell him what's it's regarding, Congr...

V: Goddamit! Get him on the goddam phone! It's a fucking emergency!

SCMCS [startled]: Ye... Yes, sir (sob)... have a blessed day... and remember! Countr...

V: Get him on the goddam phone right now!

SCMCS: (sob!) (transfer's call)

JOHN McCAIN: McCain here.

V: Jesus, John. Thank God. I just talked to Eric at the Sarasota Republican Party H-Q. It's a disaster. A fucking disaster!

JM: Calm down, my friend. What's going on?

V: Jesus, John -- don't Davis and Schmidt show you any polls? We're losing Florida!

JM: My friend, what did you say, my friend?

V: Goddamit. John. Listen to me. We're losing Florida. And it's starting in Sarasota. You've got to get down here.

JM: My friend, I will be down there, my friend, immediately, my friend. People need to hear the truth about Barack Obama, my friend. For example, my friend, did you know, my friend, that he, my friend, is, my friend, a Muslim, my friend? Also, my friend, a, my friend, communist? Also, my friend, a terrorist? And, finally, my friend, he will, my friend, raise your taxes.

V: Senator, you may want to lay off the 'my friend' stuff just a bit. Jesus.

JM: I'm on my way, Vern, my friend. We'll do what we can to shore up Sarasota. But tell Eric, my friend, when he talks to the press that we're doing something like balancing out the rest of the state, my friend.

V: Okay, Senator, will do.

JM: Thank you my friend.

V: [sigh] Thanks, Senator. We'll see you soon. [away from phone] Hey, are those bundled checks still coming in? [hangup]


We can take Florida. And it will, in fact, start in Sarasota. Two more weeks.